coming home
by shyesplease
Summary: Barry just got out from the speedforce, but is disheartened to hear that Caitlin is not back. For Snowbarry Week '17. Prompt: Free Day (Canon Divergent of Season 4 Premiere)


**A/N:** For Snowbarry Week '17  
Prompt: Free Day - So a Season 4 Canon Divergent thingy.

I started this when season 3 ended, so things are obviously different than they will be when the show comes back.

* * *

Caitlin's office was so bright, yet it felt so dim without her contagious smile to welcome him. He felt like he was trespassing on a sacred ground, but he needed the comfort. He always felt secure and safe with Caitlin by his side, and this was the closest he was going to get to her at the moment.

He'd been plucked out of the speedforce for not even a few hours and he was already doubting his place in Central City. They didn't need a Flash - Wally had taken up the mantle easily and everyone adored him. They didn't need another CSI at the CCPD - Julian had been quite capable at doing his and Barry's job alone. Even Joe and Iris seemed to be doing fine without him - not that they knew he was back just yet - but it seemed selfish to upheave their lives when they were moving on and probably on to better things.

"Hey," a voice rang out. It was Cisco.

"Hey," Barry said back distractedly, his eyes roaming all the items in the office, his senses trying to find a lingering presence of Caitlin in the room - her scent, a sweater, even a hair-tie - but he couldn't.

"How was the run?"

Barry stuffed his hands in his pockets, blowing out a breath. "Fine, I guess," he answered as truthfully as he could, walking towards the center of the room. "I wish I knew if Caitlin was okay though," Barry whispered, his hand running along the medical bed that he had the displeasure of laying in more times than he wanted.

Despite most of his memories in this room were of him bleeding out and on the brink of death, he thought back on them fondly now as he remembered his personal physician by his side, her face set hard in determination but her eyes soft with compassion. He admired her so much, in awe and flabbergasted by how she'd put him back together time and time again.

"She's fine," Cisco said.

Barry craned his head around to eye the vibing metahuman, looking at him for the first time since he came back from his run. "How do you know?"

Cisco snorted, walking further into the room. "Dude, I _vibe_ ," he answered flippantly, wiggling his fingers.

Barry rolled his eyes, a smile creeping up on his lips despite his eyes still feeling desolate. "Is she happy?"

Sighing, Cisco shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know about that, but she hasn't made any more icey roller coasters or frozen anyone to death. The few times I've talked to her, she seems more in control, but I think she's still scared."

"You've talked to her?" Barry asked, his eyes widening, enlightening with a spark of hope. "Do you know where she is?"

"Barry," the long-haired man breathed out, his tone heavy with commiseration, "she doesn't want to come back. She's dead set against it," he continued, knowing what Barry wanted to do before the scarlet speedster had to say it.

Barry turned back towards the room, taking in the absence that left him so unsettled. "I have to try."

…

Sitting down in the freshly mowed grass (that was no doubt going to leave stains on his jeans) in a desolate corner of a park in Keystone, Barry leaned back, watching as the sky's colors slowly morphed with the setting sun. The air was crisp as the autumn weather was already settling in despite it still technically being summer. People off in the distance were meandering along the pathways, seemingly living simple lives that caused Barry to feel a tug of jealousy in the pit of his stomach that he immediately tried to force away.

"Barry?" he heard someone questionably call out to him.

He turned his head towards the voice and instantly felt a sense of ease take over him at the sight of her presence there with him. "Cait," he said, lugging himself off the ground to stand before her.

"Snow," she said, walking to him, "I like to go by Snow now," she explained, shrugging. "I think it fits better, considering," she said, pointing to her hair which was still stark white.

Barry let out a chuckle, which elicited the same to come from his companion. "You know, I don't think I've ever quite realized just how ironic your name is until now," he confessed humorously.

"Sometimes I think that's why I got these powers, all because of my last name," she lightly joked, shaking her head of the silly nonsense.

"I don't think that's how superpowers work," he amusingly commented. "Otherwise my last name would have to be Speed or Quick or…"

"Or Swift?" Snow supplied with crooked grin. "Think Taylor Swift would turn into a speedster if she got meta powers?"

Barry couldn't suppress the round of laughter that rippled through him, his eyes crinkling and lips stretched wide. It was the first time since he'd been back - first time since he'd been stuck in the speedforce - that he's truly laughed this hard.

Taking a moment as his laughter settled, Barry watched his friend, really studying her and analyzing the changes he noticed since the last time he saw her all those days ago at HR's funeral. She looked more or less the same with her white hair and pale complexion, yet she seemed more like Caitlin than before.

"Cisco, he told me you sacrificed yourself to go into the speedforce...how…?"

Barry swallowed down the emotion he felt from remembering his time there. Like the speedforce had promised, it hadn't been hell, but it wasn't some place he had wanted to stay either. "Cisco and Harry were able to find a way to stabilize the speedforce by engineering this ball of speedforce energy that would equal mine in the prison, swapping us."

"Is it going to last?" she asked, her eyes betraying her fear that it was not permanent. His were too.

Barry shrugged. "It's held so far, but I don't know if it will last," he admitted.

Snow nodded her head, understanding. "Are you okay?" she asked, noticing the hollowness in his eyes and the frown his face adopted by default.

Barry forced himself to grin, but he knew immediately that Caitlin wasn't buying it. "I'm in one piece, for now," he admitted honestly. "How are you holding up?"

"In one piece," she said, echoing his response. They both shared grins. "So, is it just by random coincidence that I've stumbled upon you in a random park in Keystone?" she questioned, just then realizing that they weren't back home in Central City, where the chance encounter wouldn't have been so surprising.

Barry ducked his head, slightly embarrassed. "I... _may_ have had Cisco track you down," he admitted sheepishly, tucking his hands deep inside his jean pockets. "I really wanted to see you."

Snow's eyebrows scrunched inwards, confused. " _Why?_ " she asked, as if the notion was completely far-fetched.

Barry frowned. "Cait, you're one of my best friends - of course I'd want to see you," he expressed earnestly.

"Snow," she corrected him stiffly, avoiding his gaze.

"Snow... _right_ , sorry," he apologized. The scarlet speedster then stepped forward, laying his hands softly on her shoulders. "Hey," he breathed, causing her to look up at him and into his eyes. "I know last year we weren't the best versions of ourselves. I was a shitty friend, especially to you, and for that I am sorry. I should have been there for you more."

Barry's former personal physician swallowed down emotion, diverting her eyes as she shrugged. "I understand - you were worried about Iris…"

Barry shook his head. "I still should have been there for you. I could have done both. The guilt eats at me everyday."

The doctor stepped back out of his reach. "If you came here for forgiveness, Barry, then fine, I forgive you."

He let out a stunted laugh. "I'm not here for forgiveness," he insisted. "But even if I was, that was far from convincing, Cai-Snow," he said, catching himself halfway from calling her Caitlin.

Taking a step forward, he invaded her personal space again.

"I missed you," Barry told her, and he had, he really had.

She bit her lip, almost as if she was debating about what to say next in her head. "I've missed you too," she confessed softly, her tone weighed with emotion as she stared at her feet and bit her lip.

A sad smile spread across Barry's face. "Come back to STAR Labs then. Come back home," he pleaded with her. "Come back with me."

A tear fell from her one of her eyes, but Snow immediately wiped it away, shaking her head. "I can't, Barry. Not after what I've done. I was a bad friend to you too. I teamed up with the guy that was trying to kill Iris."

" _You_ didn't do anything," he told her. " _Killer Frost_ did."

"No, _I did_ ," Snow confessed brokenly, more tears falling from her eyes. "I was fully aware of everything I was doing...and of who I was hurting..." she shared wretchedly. "But it was like I didn't care."

"If you didn't care, you weren't Caitlin Snow."

"I'm not-" she started, but was cut off by Barry.

"Whether you want to call yourself Caitlin or not is one thing, but I know she's in there - I know I'm talking to her right now," he told her imploringly, his gaze deep and unwavering. "Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Snow's eyes were filled with unshed tears, looking at Barry in amazement. "I can't go back. What if that careless and heartless version of me resurfaces? I can't hurt you or anyone else on the team any more than I already have."

"You don't know that you will," Barry said, smiling encouragingly at her.

Snow bit her lip. "You don't know that I won't," she said simply with a sad shrug.

Barry stared at her searchingly, trying to think up of a way to convince her to come back to the team - to come back to him. He really wanted to be there for her - be her rock, be her anchor, be her person. Without preamble, he engulfed her sweetly in his arms, holding her as if they were opposite poles of a magnet - reluctant to part.

"I can't do this without you," he said to her, mouth by the shell of her ear.

Her arms, that had been loosely by his waist, moved to wrap more fully around his body, tightening their hold, almost clingy onto him. His speedster-warmth was radiating off him euphorically like she had just stepped into a furnace - she shuttered at how good it made her feel all over.

"You can. I know you can. You've done it before. You don't need me," she whispered into his neck, and Barry shivered too, but it wasn't entirely caused by her natural body temperature.

Barry closed his eyes, trying to keep himself composed. "You're right, I can do it on my own," he said, pulling himself away enough from their embrace to look her in the eye. "But I don't want to."

"Barry…"

He shook his head. "I don't want to. Team Flash without you isn't Team Flash."

Her face fell. "I can't," she whispered disastrously, her voice on the edge of silence as she backed away from him, his heat drawing her to insanity.

Barry nodded, biting the inside of his cheek and rubbing the back of his neck. "Okay," he said despondently, swallowing down his protests, trying to respect her choice. "Okay."

With difficulty, Barry lifted his lips into a pained smile. "You think Keystone needs a speedster?" he partially joked, partially meant.

Snow's responding grin was sincere, if not also wistful. "I think we're good."

He knew she would say that, and yet it didn't lessen the disappointment he felt. "You sure? My job in Central City seems to have been filled since I've been gone."

"Central City will always need you, Barry," she told him. "Be The Flash, and be the good guy I know you are. Go," she finished, before turning and walking towards the forest that bordered the park and where Cisco had found that she inevitably lived.

"Bye, Cait," Barry whispered, watching her walk away until her figure was engulfed by the sea of trees.

* * *

 **A/N:** And in my head, the first time Barry gets really injured again, Caitlin comes back to treat him, unable not to. And while she'll try to leave, the pull will be too hard to say no. :)

Please let me know what you thought by commenting!


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